| Book Draft..continued |
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Posted on July 01, 2006 @ 2:29 am
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Sleep seemed so insignificant as I lay in the backseat of my father’s minivan. "What is the point of sleeping right now?" I try to re-direct my attention away from the sorrow that threatens to succumb me towards my cousin that lay next to me, unsure of how to feel, unsure of how to act, and, for once, unsure of what to say. My strength seemed to be slowly depleting, and now, my entire net of support was ripping…every strand quickly snapping as if there was too much weighing it down.
That day, the strand that was my cousin came undone, after that day we no longer talked like we had and we no longer stayed friends like we had been up to this point in my life.
My small net of security was torn to shreds, gone. From that day on, I would walk alone…changed and I will never be able to turn back, I will never be able to be the same, and I will never be able to be who I was the day my world seemed to end.
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| Cant Sleep...again |
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Posted on June 29, 2006 @ 2:52 am
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I am really tired but not sleep and it totally sucks! I was trying to pass the time by playing a video game, to no avail. I have recently picked up Wild Arms 3, found it a Gamestop for 8 bucks, sweet deal. I got about five hours in to the game and I am on the third character, I am suppose to find some stupid dungeon and I cannt find it for the life of me! I searched, and searched...nothing. Usually I am a little bit more patient with these things, however this time the enemies are way, way stronger than my character and it seems to take forever and a day to level up, what a pain! Anyway that is why I am now typing on my computer instead.
When I can't sleep, which is about three days out of the week, I end up thinking way too much. And right now I am thinking about just way too many things, school,am I ever going to finish and finding a job because I get way to bored when I don't work. It has been very difficult for me to just relax and enjoy the time I don't have to work, thanks to my hubby. I have never depended on anyone to take care of me, and it is really hard to get use to someone taking care of me, or at least supporting me while I try to find my way again.
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| Persona 3 |
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Posted on June 26, 2006 @ 3:11 am
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| Draft Writing |
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Posted on June 21, 2006 @ 1:28 pm
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I am working on a book, I have no idea what type of book this is going to be or what exactly it will be about. I will be posting my writing here, just in case anyone wants to read. Jess
Oh and please, if you have any suggestions or comments post them. I can use some constructive criticism.
“The only chance I have is to grow up, when I get older, I will get another chance.” A mysterious voice whispers, “A chance at what?” “When I grow up I will get a chance to make everything right, I will be able to begin anew, and leave everyone and everything behind.” A distant presence asks,” Why would you want to leave everything or everyone behind?” “Because, right now I am ruled by people and the things they have to offer, when I grow up I will no longer feed off of other souls like a parasite.” “What makes you think it will be any different then?” “ All I have is hope, without hope I am nothing, especially now, especially now that you are gone.” “ Me? But I am talking to you right now.” “No Steven, I am talking to you, and you are not here.” You are a lost book of memories; you are the first hope I had, the only hope. “Now, my only hope is another life.”
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| Simply Amazing |
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Posted on June 14, 2006 @ 11:52 am
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It is amazing how almost complete strangers can turn out to be your bestest of friends, it is amazing how much support you can get from people you hardly know. To me this comes as a surprise because most of the time I get more care and sympathy from people outside of my family. YOu know, if it was not for strangers I don't know where my morale would stand right now. That is why to me everyone is a friend, no matter how long I have known you, no matter how far away you are, and no matter what you are or where you have been.
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| KH 2 |
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Posted on March 30, 2006 @ 11:14 am
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Ok, so my husband bought me Kingdom Hearts II last night. He set it on the kitchen table and I was weary to pick it up because I was so excited! After finishing up my chores and crap, I picked up the game, gathered my snacks, mountain dew, and my fuzzy kitties, this is how I get prepared for a new game. I popped the disk in to my trusty PS2 and kind of felt like I was betraying Suikoden, the game I have been playing for the last week or so.
Then, the spectacle began.
The voice overs are perfect, the story leaves you with an unreleivable feeling of suspense. The attachment that grows on you, only after thirty minutes of playing the game, makes the entire environment seem fimiliar. The flashbacks that occur periodacally remind you that you have just become part of a magnificent story, a story that will engulf you.
I am very impressed with the new Kingdom Hearts fighting style, which is very similar to God of War. Not only does each battles consist of precise timing, even the with the heartless, but it also provides a sense of " I just totally kicked his ass", by getting you a lot more involved in fighting instead of just clicking the X button.
As you are fighting, you are prompted to click a button that will give you the opportunity to perform special attacks, dodge, interupt, and defend. I am very satisfied that the fighting style will present a lot of opportunities for variety.
I have only played this game about four hours, but I know that this game is going to be awesome, and full of surprises.The grand effort contributed to this game is just phenomenal!
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| uh |
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Posted on March 23, 2006 @ 11:59 am
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blah
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| Kingdom Hearts II |
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Posted on March 22, 2006 @ 3:26 pm
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Check back later, releases March 28 2006.
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| Suikoden V |
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Posted on March 22, 2006 @ 3:23 pm
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SUIKODEN V REVIEW
I am not really sure how my attachment to Suikoden came to be. My fascination could of started once I laid my eyes on the cell shaded characters of Suikoden III, it could of sparked the first time I saw a Suikoden turn based battle, or it could of just as easily began when I could not stop playing Suikoden III because of the storyline. I was a bit worried about Suikoden V, to be honest, especially when I saw a boat in one of the previews I saw prior to purchasing the game. Not only was I not wanting to sail for long periods of time, I was also concerned on the battle system, the animation, and the storyline. Most of these concerns sparked when I played Suikoden IV. Suikoden IV, for me, was nothing I expected. However, I did not lose hope in Konami and to my relief, I was not disappointed.
The first thing you cannot help but notice in Suikoden V is the story, right from the beginning you jump right in to the world of the hero, his bodyguards, his aunt, and his mother, the queen, and his father. Not surprisingly, the power of the Sun Rune is the major part of the Suikoden V story. Because the queen has possession of the Sun Rune, the game touches base on a load of different political issues, most reminding me of our current situations. For example, medical benefits, immigration, and repression. As a Suikoden fan, I was comforted with the return of a very strong storyline.
The character animation for Suikoden V was a reminder of the well-known Suikodens, not all like the last installment of this series, where the characters seemed bland and uninteresting. The facial expressions, humor, and personality given to the characters in this game remind me of Suikoden III. The hero still seems to be mute for some reason, but you are able to select responses to questions that you are asked. Costumes are much more cultural, colorful, and enticing. Architecture in the game is, as always to the point, nothing magical in that area.
Unfortunately, after three hours of game play, I was only able to battle about eight times. This may seem a bit boring if you are not the usually Suikoden devotee. However, the good news in the battle system is the return of the swift, elegant, and team oriented attacks. You are given the ability to switch out characters, bribe to retreat with no chance of failure,use a coop attack, cast a rune spell, and use items during battle. Also, there are the usual one on one battle, war battle strategies, and recruiting. On a hopefull note, I have not had to sail a boat as of yet...let us hope it stays that way.
I will continue to add my opinions and experiences on this game throughout my game-play. Feel free to check back. THanks for reading
Jess
aka luv_rpgs
aka midgetjess
aka luvlife
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| Oblivion |
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Posted on March 22, 2006 @ 3:12 pm
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Ok I will start with the crazy customization abilities that are available to you when making your own character. Unlike Morrowind, Oblivion gives you the opportunity to make your own individual character by providing plenty of face changing abilities, hair color and style, old or young, black or blue- each race gives you even more options. There are ten different races to choose from, five different classes, and six different types of spells. For example, destruction spells, restoration, mysticism, alteration, conjuration, and illusion. As usual, you can pick up magical items as well.
At the beginning of the game you are in a prison of course. The controls seemed all wacky at first, but that was easily changed when I inverted the controls via the options menu.Attacking, or punching in this case, is a lot faster in this game, unlike the Xbox game. Surprisingly, I was able to obtain a bunch of weapons and armor quickly in the game...unlike the prior game, Morrowind. Also you start off with a healing spell right off the bat, and receive a defensive spell as well.
In your menu, you have the option to set hot keys for items and spells, which is pretty new to me???????being that I am not much of a PC gamer, and you can view your weapons, spells, stats, class, skills, and quests.
When stepping outside, it is a whole new world! The graphics are amazing in this game! I was a bit concerned about getting lost in this huge game, but a world map is located in your menu, which shows you where you are currently located and shows what towns or sites you have covered. Also, you can be warped to the towns you have visited. Along with your map, you are provided with a compass that is visible at the bottom of your screen. You can steal horses, pick pocket villagers, buy a house or a shop, and so much more! For those of you with a 360, you must buy this game.
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| She walked in... |
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Posted on December 06, 2005 @ 7:39 pm
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She walked in to the room nervous, frightened, and alive-- yet withering from the loss of jurisdiction over thoughts that have almost killed her. Yearning for his hands to touch the back of her head, his fingers to touch each strand of her dark brown hair while kissing her -- letting it be known how long he has also waited for their passion to succumb both of them to the point of tears. Jasmine decides to release some of her madness by writing in her journal. “The wait has been long and unmerciful, my mind, body, and soul have been calling out to you for years now…to the point that a single thought of you caused me pain. A pain I could no longer keep locked away inside of me; a pain that was obvious to everyone around me, a pain that almost swallowed me alive. The encompassing feelings of wonder, desire, and delight I have always felt around you have caused a panic within the walls of my security; a security I did not know how to hide. How was I to continue this façade of infatuation that was seeded in my heart? I can tell myself over and over that the one that has given me his life deserves better. The only man that has given up all his dreams just to be by my side, I cannot hurt. I cannot rip out the red pumping vessel that resides in his chest. How can I hold such power over such a strong, courageous, and loving creature? Why must I hold the eternity of someone else’s soul in these sinful, selfish, and unfaithful emotions?
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| A Pledge to Myself |
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Posted on December 04, 2005 @ 10:32 am
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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Bright Eyes |
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I have finally come to realize that reaching out to people or trying to set things straight, never works. People need to help themselves before anyone else can help them. I have always tried to make people feel better about themselves and not to get caught up in things that do not matter. The problem with that was, well I have a lot of baggage I need to clear off of my back before I can ever make a positive difference in someone else's life. I am not the bestest friend anyone could have but I try to be there for everyone. I try to put grudges aside, forgive, and grow as a person at the same time when I make friends. I do not believe in hating anyone or treating people differently, sure I am not perfect and I vent sometimes, but who the hell dosen't? I cannot be a perfect friend, wife, or daughter...all I can do is be myself and if no one likes it well, the could just fuck off. I am tired of trying to be everyones friend and trying to please everyone, I know no one asks this of me but I have lived my life trying to make everyone else happy-but myself. From now on I will concentrate on living a happy life and not worry about what everyone else thinks of me or the way I live my life. If anyone is reading this I think you should work on doing the same thing, do not forget yourself and never put someone else's happiness over yours. What good are we if we are miserable, unhappy, or stressed out. The past few months, ever since working at Borders, I have felt betrayed, stressed, miserable, fatigued, and not worth a scrap. It is time for me to take my life in my own hands and stop letting anyone else run it for me and I will start with riding myself ofany drama that comes my way and any drama I might want to cause by caring too much.This is the first day of my life.
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| Can you tell how my day was like today? |
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Posted on November 30, 2005 @ 4:22 pm
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Feelings of frustration, self pity, and disappointment clump up in the middle of my throat
My breathes become shorter and quicker
The rage that consumes me seeps out of my fingers and causes a frantic dance to spill out over the pages I write
The intensity of my stare furrows my eyebrows and crinkles the skin on my forehead
Thoughts of complete freedom from emotion...
Of freedom from the restraints that shackle me, every passing day,
Seem to fill my head
What are these desires that keep me in doubt?
What are these cries that trail behind me like a wondering stray?
Is it my denial that keeps me in check...
Or just a hopeless dream of normalcy that keeps forever reeling me in?
Sadness reaches out to me,
I resist with the whiteness of my teeth and the silent protest of my smile.
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| Reaction |
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Posted on November 20, 2005 @ 8:44 pm
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Chemical Romance |
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Pen in my hand,
What flows through...oh I will tell you...
My pulsing fingers give way to the vibrations that run from my brain,
The serenity that sets in,
My heart will run free with the being that I wish to be.
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| Anyway...by Mother Teresa |
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Posted on November 20, 2005 @ 12:09 pm
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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Beethoven, "Moonlight Sonata" |
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ANYWAY….by Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 3rd, 2005 at 4:47 pm and is filed under General, Healing, Poetry. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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| The Cheesecake Factory |
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Posted on November 13, 2005 @ 7:44 pm
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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Friday night after work I met some friends at The Cheesecake Factory for a birthday dinner. Before we were seated we were asked for a cell phone number and told to wait for a manager to give as an estimated time to be seated. We waited for about half an hour and heard nothing about our seating arrangements. The birthday girl's sister decided to ask how much longer we needed to wait before sitting down. The only answer we received was
"A manager will call you when we know how much longer you will have to wait". So, we stood in front of the reservation, the one that does not accept reservations, waiting for an additional half an hour.
While standing we noticed how small the restaurant was. There were crowds of people standing in front, behind, and next to us waiting to be seated. The bar consisted of a small counter with about twelve chairs in front of it--not nearly enough to hold even half of the people that were waiting that evening. After complaining about the tiny space provided and the inconvenience of "no reservations excepted", Jesselyne asked the hostess what the hell was going on. She said that we would be seated shortly. In the meanwhile we were trying to get a hold of Jany via her cell phone, when we reached her she was in the parking lot of The Cheescake Factory. About fifteen minutes later, no I am not exaggerating,Jany walked in. We chatted for about five minutes and finally were told a table was available. After being seated I noticed that everything on the menu was over thirteen dollars, yes even the appetizers.
So I figured the food must be really good here. Well all I ordered was a plate of nachos, an appetizer, that cost me $13.50. The waiter, by the way, had this annoying twitch in his eye and kept mummbling the specials for the night. When the food finally arrived I was disappointed, granted this was not a well known mexican restaurant but I expected a bit better for $13.50. So after the meal we ordered dessert. Samantha convinced me to split a cheesecake that was called Kahlua Cheesecake. After eating the cheesecake I was a bit buzzed! That was the highlight of the night. Yes, Jessica got a buzz from a freakin cheesecake. Awesome. So anyway do not go to The Cheesecake Factory, at least on a weekend, because the food and the service is not worth the wait.
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| A day working retail |
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Posted on November 04, 2005 @ 6:19 pm
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mood |
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rejuvenated |
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music |
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The humming sound of my computer |
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Imagine coming to work and being approached with many different questions before even starting the work shift. Think of hearing a monotonous tone paging for extra help, when you finally reach the break room, at the registers that is not available due to short staffing. Can you picture greeting the employees while they hold a look of grim, stress, or sadness? How about the co-workers that seem angry because they work so much for so little, from minimum wage to about seven dollars and fifty cents an hour. Imagine keeping a smile on your face all day long while not making enough to eat a proper lunch everyday. Welcome to the world of retail, where the customer is always right. Many people who have never had to work in retail are under the impression that it is easy work. I believe the service we provide should be recognized, should be appreciated, and should encourage customers to treat sales clerks with respect.
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| After work |
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Posted on November 02, 2005 @ 4:47 pm
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Cloud Room |
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I can hear the fountain outside my window. I can not see the view from here very well because my big, fat, and fuzzy cat Gizmo is blocking a major part of my window. My homework is sitting on the desk next to my computer screen, waiting for it's next stage in it's pathetic life. So far I have only opened the book to the appropriate page (which says I am really trying for a Wednesday).The book sits there crying out for attention every time I walk by. I sat down in front of the book for a moment acting like I was really going to finish it today, yet I all of a sudden remembered the Final Fantasy group I belong to. Finding out whether Square-Enix is going to remake Final Fantasy VII for PS3 is a lot more important than kissing my professors ass by completing every single assignment. I think I can remember were a comma should go, when the colon seems applicable, or that a paragraph is about four sentences long. Still, I must admit that I hold a lot of respect for English teachers;they have to work with a lot of stupid people. Anyway the workbook I am suppose to be working on seems to be sending me signals, it wants my affection at the moment so I better go do it's bidding.
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| The Giggles |
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Posted on November 01, 2005 @ 4:30 pm
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mood |
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 anxious |
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My supervisor, Josh decided to busy some cookies for the team today. They were sugar cookies, and I had to many. SO, I got a really bad case of the giggles today. I could not stop giggling, until I started on my way home in traffic, streets full of stupid drivers and dumb pedestrians. Then the giggles were gone.
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| Smoking |
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Posted on November 01, 2005 @ 4:30 pm
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I have finally decided to quit smoking(for real this time) and I am totally freadking out! I am even more bitcher than I was before, I wish I never started! I even had a dream about smoking a cig how sad is that? Anyway wish me luck I have tried to quit before at no avail.
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